Thursday, November 05, 2009


i suppose time creeps up on all of us. i saw myself in a picture not long ago and i thought wow, that's not me. i have blond hair and wear a size 4. Even looking into the mirror it doesn't really connect. i hate it though. not the fact that i have changed but the fact that others cannot see me in the way i do. i still feel 16. i still think of myself as blond. i know that i have grown and changed, that i understand things in ways i did not as a youth, but i still have dreams and desires, some of them may have matured a bit but they are basically the same. i wonder if others feel the same as me. if in every old lady you see there is a tiny ballerina wanting to get up and spin about. if only they could.

these bodies of ours can be burdensome. although they are marvelous and amazing i am finding that mine is beginning to hold me back. i want to go out to dinner and savor the last cheesecake crumb. i want to jump and run and spin, but i find myself not as limber as i used to be. i want to read without putting glasses on. i think the hardest part of all this is i want someone to notice that girl that is still inside of me. her time is done now, and new and exciting things await the person i am now. someday though we will be reunited she and i, and i hope she is happy with what she became.